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The First Step to Nationalizing U.S. Banks

Written By Brian Hicks

Posted March 27, 2015

unclebankI used to think I could be anonymous. Live in peace. Keep to myself. And the “man” would leave me alone.

Who am I, anyway? I’m no criminal. No mastermind. Just me. Getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, and going to work, like everyone else.

So why should Uncle Sam or anyone waste resources or give a rat’s ass about me?

Aren’t there bigger fish to fry?

You know… like people running with chainsaws on the streets or some unsolved murders that could use the manpower?

Well, not if the Justice Department gets its way.

Turns out, they want to know your spending habits… “for security purposes” of course.

Now, I know we would all love to keep our cash under the storage shed in the back yard. But it just isn’t feasible in the world we live in. We’re forced to keep at least some of our money in banks and leave the space under the shed for weed, old porn, and a few gold coins.

Unfortunately, with banks, there’s a complete disregard for privacy or even spending your money how you wish, without someone in a federal office taking note.

You’re Guilty

If you thought the idea of police handing out traffic tickets like they’re selling girl-scout cookies was bad, wait till you get a load of this.

Banks, like the police, have quotas. Quotas about how many of their customers they tattle on every month.

That’s right. Uncle Sam is forcing banks to file a certain number of reports on their customers. If they don’t file enough, they can lose their federal insurance. And if they don’t file any, branch managers could even be jailed.

… simply because they don’t want to report you for spending your own hard-earned money how you choose.

Land of the free, indeed.

But the new regulations, if they pass, go quite a ways further than selecting any old branch patron.

If this new regulation passes, and a teller deems any activity as “suspicious” – whatever that means – they’ll be forced to send your info along to the feds and make a call to the local authorities.

Need cash for a trip, car, birthday presents, or a bachelor party to Vegas? Take out too much (anything over $5,000) and you could find yourself in the backseat of a brand new Chevy Charger on your way to answer a few routine questions before boarding that Hooters Airline.

It downright pisses me off. Not even so much that someone could be either getting their jollies off or dying of boredom from watching what I do. I honestly gave up on letting myself worry about that years ago.

… what has my blood boiling is that some knuckle-dragger with a double-digit IQ and triple-digit salary is deciding that it’s more important spend time and money turning every American’s life into a commercial-free episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, instead of, I don’t know, ending our involvement in the Middle East, chipping away at the national debt, or ensuring that our elected officials are honoring their oath to protect the Constitution?

As for banks, look for fees to increase and returns to decrease in order to make up for the cost of all the new “paperwork”. And until it passes, bury as much as you can.

Me? Screw it. I’m boarding a plane with some talented flight attendants.