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Bear Market Blues

Written By Brian Hicks

Posted October 10, 2008





Bear markets are brutal and this one is no different.

In fact, at its present rate today’s downturn has now joined the two biggest bear markets of all time.

Take a look:

bear market


Now if that is not enough to make you wince, nothing is. To date over $5 trillion in stock market wealth has been vaporized.

But sometimes things get so bad that you just have to laugh and this is one of them.

To that end, here’s a little Wall Street humor found circulating trading desks these days:

TARP-$700 billion bailout—Taxpayers Are Really Pissed.

CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

Thank God it’s Friday.